Copyright All Rights Reserved by Priceless Life Ltd
Author: Liz Preston and Chele Yntema
You may have just found out that you are unexpectedly pregnant – it is only natural that there would be so many thoughts and feelings swirling round your mind. You may be shocked, confused, scared, feeling alone… You may not know what to do or who to turn to.
We are here to let you know that no matter what stage of decision making you are in we can provide you with care and support.
The following options information guide is designed to help you work things through, and to ensure you find the space to consider your thoughts, feelings, and needs. This is a time for you to tap into your body-mind-spirit and explore what is happening for you now, and what might happen for you in the future. We have included a worksheet for you to write down your notes as you do so (Please click HERE to download our accompanying worksheet)
You do not need to do this alone.
Would you like to talk through your options and concerns with someone who will listen without telling you what to do about your unexpected pregnancy? Or perhaps you would like to find out more specific information about parenting, termination, or adoption? Whatever it is you need right now, we have trained counsellors who will patiently be with you until you are ready to make your next decision.
We suggest that no matter what information you access, it is of most importance that you focus on considering the practical and emotional impact of your choices – on your life and on the lives of those you care about.
One of the most important things to consider at this time is support. Although all relationships have challenges it is important to talk through how you and those you care about may be impacted no matter what decision is made. Support from your family, partner, friends, and social circles is important, however should you be feeling alone it is important to reach out – this is where Priceless can help (view our social support worksheet HERE).
Taking your time to make important decisions can help you to explore and consider all the options. It is important to remember that this decision will effect you in the future – circumstances will change over time and in 5 or 10 years you might look back and wonder about the decision you made – keeping a record of your thoughts and feelings might be of value to you now and in the future (view our time worksheet HERE).
Thinking things through can often leave us in a scramble of thoughts making us anxious and confused. It might be an important step for you to simply stop, pour yourself a glass of ice water, and take a quiet moment before writing all of your thoughts down. Talking to someone might be an important step to consider.
Take the time to check in with your heart – what are the many feelings you are experiencing? Remember, our feelings are a signpost to our needs and/or values. When it comes to making big decisions it can be important to check in with how we are truly feeling – and why. What are your feelings telling you?
It is important to remember that this decision is your decision, this means that checking in with your beliefs and values is vital. It is not uncommon for other people to want to influence you in your decisions. Therefore, take your time to get to know your own convictions, what you hold true about the world, and why.
What are you / have you been thinking about being pregnant? (positives/negatives)
What did you think when you first found out?
What do you know about your current stage of pregnancy? (find out more HERE)
How are you currently feeling about being pregnant?
Have your feelings changed since you found out? If so, what were you feeling when you first found out, what were you feeling a few days later?
How have your feelings been changing day-to-day or even moment-to-moment?
Behind every feeling there is a need, what do you think each of your feelings are telling you here about your needs?
(i.e. “I feel scared because I have a need for stability.” Please see a list of feelings and needs HERE)
Often when we tune into our feelings and needs our values and beliefs begin to emerge. What are some of the needs that emerged with your feelings about pregnancy? Do any of these stand out to you as being vital to your pregnancy?
For example, you may be feeling scared at the moment, this may indicate an underlying need for stability; and in tuning into this need you realise one of your core values is to be a reliable person and to have others in your life who are reliable.
These values may be influenced by your belief or conviction that “it takes a village to raise a child”.
What are you / have you been thinking about being a parent? (positives/negatives)
What are the sorts of obstacles that may make parenting hard for you?
If some/all of these obstacles were resolved, what difference would that make?
How do you think being a parent may affect you financially?
How may a child affect your relationships? For example with your partner, your parents, your family, your friends?
How do you feel about parenting? Consider all ends of the spectrum – from feelings of excitement and joy, to feelings of fear or sadness.
Having thought about how parenting will affect you financially, socially, and relationally – how do you think these thoughts are linked to your feelings?
And, what might these feelings be telling you about your needs?
What support might you need as a parent?
Knowing that values are the things that are important to you and affect the choices you make, what might you value about being a parent?
Do you have any beliefs surrounding parenting? How does your culture, religion, or age affect these values and beliefs?
Having considered your thoughts, practical considerations, your feelings and needs, take some time now to reflect on your core values and beliefs. How do these relate to becoming a parent at this stage in your life?
What are you / have you been thinking about having a termination? (positives/negatives)
What are the sorts of practical things that you may need to consider if you had a termination? For example, the different procedures available or how many weeks pregnant you are.
How might termination affect your health – now and in the future?
Are you aware of the termination risk factors for you? (find out more information HERE)
How may terminating your pregnancy affect your relationships? For example with your partner, your parents, your family, your friends?
How do you feel about termination? Are these feelings dependant on how many weeks you are? Consider all ends of the spectrum – from feelings of relief to feelings of tension or hesitance. What do you think the needs behind these feelings might be?
Having thought about how having a termination may affect you – what are some of your feelings about these thoughts? And again, what are your feelings telling you here about your needs?
If you were to have a termination, how might you feel after the procedure – now and in the future? (are you aware of the term “abortion trauma”? You can access more information HERE)
Knowing that values are the things that are important to you and affect the choices you make, what values might be related to terminating your pregnancy?
Do you have any beliefs surrounding termination? How does your culture, religion, or age affect these values and beliefs?
Having considered your thoughts, practical considerations, your feelings, and needs take some time now to reflect on your core values and beliefs as they relate to terminating your pregnancy.
What are you / have you been thinking about continuing your pregnancy and placing your child for adoption? (positives/negatives)
What are the sorts of practical things that you may need to consider if you continued your pregnancy and then placed your child for adoption? Are you aware of the procedure?
How may continuing your pregnancy and placing your child for adoption affect your socially?
How may continuing your pregnancy and placing your child for adoption affect your relationships? For example your partner, your parents, your family, your friends?
Find out more information about Australian adoption options HERE
How do you feel about continuing your pregnancy and placing your child for adoption? Consider all ends of the spectrum – from feelings of interest to feelings of disconnection or dread. What do you think the needs behind these feelings might be?
What support might you need if you choose to continue your pregnancy then place your child for adoption?
Having thought about how continuing your pregnancy and how placing your child for adoption may affect you socially and relationally – what are some of your feelings about these thoughts? And again, what are your feelings telling you here about your needs?
Knowing that values are the things that are important to you and affect the choices you make, what values might be related to continuing your pregnancy and placing your child for adoption?
Do you have any beliefs surrounding continuing your pregnancy and placing your child for adoption? How does your culture, religion, or age affect these values and beliefs?
Having considered your thoughts, practical considerations, your feelings, and needs take some time now to reflect on your core values and beliefs as they relate to continuing your pregnancy and placing your child for adoption.
Would you like to talk through your options and concerns with someone who will listen without telling you what to do about your unexpected pregnancy? Or perhaps would you like to find out more specific information about parenting, termination, or adoption? Whatever it is you need right now, we have trained counsellors who will patiently be with you until you are ready to make your next decision.